- Abe - the clone of Abraham Lincoln the 16th US President who was assassinated in 1865. Abe is a awkward, shy and kind teenager who is in love with Cleopatra. Abe appears to be weak and skinny but he does have a slight build of muscle and will stand up for those he cares about.
- Cleo - the clone of Cleopatra the seductive queen of Ancient Egypt. Cleo is very beautiful, intelligent and manipulative, though she is mostly selfish, hot-tempered and vain. Cleo is highly promiscuous and hates it when people make of fun of it especially Joan.
- Gandhi - the clone of Monhandas K. Gandhi the Indian revolutionary who supported nonviolence as a way to win India's independance from the British. Gandhi is a hyperactive party machine who wants to accepted by those around him though he tends to annoy others.
- Scudworth - the villainous, mentally isane Principal of Clone High. He schemes to brainwash the clones and use them as attractions at the Cloney Island. Scudworth's fingers crinkles whenever he comes up with something evil.
- JFK - the clone of John F. Kennedy the 35th US President who was also assassinated in 1963. JFK is the hunky, good-looking but very dimwitted and conceited school jock who is in lust with Cleopatra and antagonizes Abe. Speaks with a monotone Boston accent.
- Joan - the clone of Joan of Arc the French general known for her strong religous faith and courage. Joan is Abe's closest friend and is obviously in love with him. Joan dresses and claims to be a Goth and has a very dry, cynical and angsty personality. She hates Cleo with passion.
- Mr. B - Mr. Scudworth's robot butler. He is smarter than Scudworth and often questions his sanity. He calls everyone Wesley.
Charaters Played by Celebrity Guests
- Ashley Angel
- Buddy Holly
- Chris Berman
- Dan Patrick
- Doug Prepcourse
- Dr. Marilyn Manson
- Gandhi's Remaining Kidney
- George Washington Carver
- Glenn the Janitor
- John Stamos
- Julius Caeser
- Larry Hardcore
- Homeless Chick That May Or May Not Be Mandy Moore
- Martin Luther King Jr.
- Paul Revere
- Tom Green
- Tommy Walter
- Van Gogh
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